So I’ve got a bad habit…

I’ve got this bad habit that I think stems from my fear of abandonment and likely issues with not getting enough affirmation from my mother as a child. When things arent going well with my wife and I, I tend to do stupid things.

Now that I’m learning about bipolar it kind of makes a little more sense. I tend to get depressive or something and in order to make myself feel better I swing into manic type behavior ie. Shopping, seeking out affirmation from others, flirting, and other high risk behavior I’m sure as well.

But now that I have this new knowledge I feel like I can keep the mania at bay. I can avoid shopping simply enough. I’ve learned that if I don’t have a list then I shouldn’t go shopping. And if anything on my list is not essential then I should dwell on it for a few days or weeks even to decide if I even still want it.

The hardest part for me is seeking out affirmation. Affirmation can come and go but when I go out seeking it, it is unhealthy for me and is generally out of my grandiosity and selfishness. What makes it unsafe for myself and my wife is that I often times seek out the affirmation from women. This ends up with me in-appropriately flirting or making suggestive comments. All of which is unsafe for me to be doing since I also deal with a sex addiction along with my bipolar.

So today I am going to be extra cautious. My wife and I argued last night over me not owning up to my mistake and I dont want to compound that mistake with any of my standard unhealthy coping.

I sometimes wonder if anyone else does this as well or is it just me…

1 Comment

  1. Have you done a bit of research on ‘hypersexuality’ and it’s prevalence with bipolar people? I know I’m hypomanic when I start obsessing over my fetish and related porn. I used to think I had a sexual addiction until I realized it was just due to hypersexuality. Not to diminish the hard work you’ve put into sexual addiction counseling, but what about the idea that it’s just been simple hypersexuality for you too instead of a sexual addiction?

    Like

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