Owning shit before being confronted.

This is something I need to get better at. It’s like I want to own my mistakes that occur whether in manic periods or not but I try to find the easy way out that in my messed up mind I say this is close enough.

In this instance I’m talking about, due to my numerous sexual acting out periods my wife no longer trusts me with unmonitored electronics. So I placed a bunch of systems in place to make this happen. But I opted to use my work computer for a non work purpose when I started this blog in an admittedly manic state. I should have told my wife about this but I avoided it.

When my son saw my work laptop slid under my couch he said something to me about it and I dismissed it and then placed the laptop on the table so my wife would see it. In my mind I thought to myself “she can see it so she will know I have my work laptop here and used it”

This was the absolutely worst thing to do. It only serves to erode trust. Ultimately the end result is that my son told my wife and that simple act of me avoiding telling her 1 eroded trust and 2 put my son in a bad position to where he felt like he was telling on his father. None of which would have happened had I talked to my wife about it before hand.

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