Depression and denial at the DMV

So these three terms go together in so many ways… waiting in line at the DMV can cause depression and denial. But for me depression and denial caused me to have to sit at the DMV.

I’ve been living separate from my family since September. I was acting out in what I now see as a manic period and it resulted in me breaking my wife’s boundaries and being kicked out.

So how does that make me have to come to the DMV on a Thursday afternoon? Well in my depression I haven’t wanted to do anything. I’ve also been in denial about having to change my address on my license. When ever I’d even think about it I would start to get anxious and it would push me into further depression. It felt as if as soon as I changed my address on my license it would make this separation all too real. So in my denial I refused to make the change.

This wouldn’t normally pose a problem except my license just expired. I know its only a matter of time before I get pulled over. I’m Hispanic looking and driving an older beat up car. I’ve already been pulled over for random reasons at least 4 times in the last few months. The absolute last thing I need is to get cited for driving without a valid license.

So here I am. Facing the truth of my separation. Giving up the bits and pieces that keep me tied to my families home.

Oddly enough I’m just now realizing that had I done this before my license expired then I could have avoided the situation where the hospital notified the police that I was at risk and the police going to my wife’s home when they were searching for me a couple weeks ago. My attempts to control my truth hurt my wife in a way that I never intended. I’ve got to quit being selfish and own my situation if I am going to be able to promote any kind of healing for our marriage and family.

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