Waking up in the psych ward was not a fun experience at all. There were people there that were walking around and talking to themselves and getting into each people’s faces and rambling on about nonsense. I wasn’t scared for my safety but I was scared that if I defended myself at all that I’d be put on lockdown and further isolated. Security was present and followed the individuals who were less than stable so I tried to keep my head down and kept to myself. I was served breakfast and allowed to call my wife. Speaking with her was not easy. I had learned that the police had went to her house since that was the address listed on my license and had informed her of what was going on. She was obviously emotional not knowing if I had gone through with my plan since no one could find me before I checked in. Even though things were bad between us she was still upset at the idea that I may have taken my own life. I felt very guilty about this. I hadn’t planned for her to know of my intentions.
After lunch I was moved to a less restrictive unit for individuals who voluntarily admitted themselves. I felt much more comfortable here and finally felt as though I could relax. All of the staff throughout my stay in inpatient were very kind and understanding of everyone’s situation. I am very grateful for this because they made a stressful situation much easier to handle.
After lunch I finally met with the psychiatrist who was also the director of the facility. We talked for a short duration in which I explained to him how I came to be there and gave him a brief summary of the last 10 years of my life and how I had screwed up in so many ways. After I was done speaking he told me that it sounded like I was bipolar and he wanted to start me on medication for this. So I was prescribed a low dosage of an anti-depressant (celexa) and a mood stabilizer (trileptal). And this is the beginning of my journey of medicating myself for my bipolar condition.
I began taking the medication that day and over the course of my week long stay they monitored my medication and I increased dosage once due to the lack of effectiveness on my racing thoughts.
After a week I was discharged into outpatient treatment which I am now currently in. It’s a 2 week program that is primarily group sessions led by a clinician for 8 hours with periodic meetings with the social worker and psychiatrist.